But What REALLY Happened?

Before we get into anything, I’m gonna have to ask you to pop your wee tin foil hat on for me there, cheers. *Cue X Files theme tune*

Right, I don’t know if I just never really noticed or wasn’t aware of them, but have you noticed that conspiracy theories have become really popular recently? There’s documentaries, forums, websites and a LOT of YouTube videos about them. 

You have your standard “Bush did 9/11”, “the Kennedy’s had Marilyn Monroe killed”, “the royals had Diana killed” ones which have been around for years – although I don’t know if they count as conspiracy theories if they’re true ¿  

But nowadays, for every incident that happens in the world, there seems to be an “alternative theory” to explain it -and put the blame on powerful people, departments and organisations. Basically, “When all else fails, blame the government”. Not that they would ever, EVER do such scandalous things. Pffft.

Side note: does the big bang theory count as a conspiracy theory to creationists?

Now, for all you non-believers, prepare to have your world SHOOK with some of my personal favourite conspiracy theories explanations. Disclaimer: I’m not saying these are true, just saying they’re possible OKAY? So save your eye rolls and judgements and just play along for me. Cheers.

1. The earth could be flat – I know, I know, TYPICAL MILLENNIAL what are we LIKE. Of course the earth isn’t flat, a big floating ball in the sky makes a lot more sense. Seriously though, maybe it’s spherical, maybe it’s flat. Yes there’s “evidence” that it isn’t, like photos from very reliable sources like NASA. Who also share reports following Santa’s journey on Christmas Eve. Just saying.

– I’m not saying it’s actually flat don’t worry, I’m just saying we only know it’s a sphere because we’ve been told it’s one. How do you know that everything you’ve ever seen or been told about isn’t actually 100% dead on?  Think about it. T h i n k  a b o u t  i t .

If you’re still reading and haven’t given up on me based off that first one, another good wee one is:

2. The lottery is fake. No one actually wins the jackpot. People get paid a large amount (but still smaller than the jackpot) to go public and say that they won. Quick knock on the door, “Wanna make half a mill? All you’ve to do is go on TV saying you won 3 million” job. I’d do it, HINT HINT. Someone gets a nice wee paycheque and the lottery people save like 2.5 million. Win, win. And those mysterious people who win and don’t want to reveal their identities, maybe that’s because they don’t exist? Dun dun.  

3. Modern art is a front for international money laundering. This one’s a pretty run of the mill, can’t really question it kind of one. Ever wonder why people pay millions for a squiggly line on a canvas? All those mad paintings that are just splodges and cost a bomb? Basically, art collectors (criminals, cartels, other rich people who make their fortune illegally) buy paintings (transfer illicit money) off dealers (to whoever they’re paying). Payments go under the radar and unnoticed; the only attention they receive is “Who in the right mind paid money for that?” There’s a more complicated explanation here.

Anyway, clearly I do love a good wee conspiracy theory as much as the next person (but not enough to watch videos and all on them like), but that’s it – why do we love them?

Are we just cynical? To be fair, we’ve been lied to about so much before that we’re bound to have some trust issues like. “Watching TV makes your eyes go square”, “Eating crusts makes your hair go curly”, and let’s not forget the whole Santa situation. We don’t know what or who to believe anymore, so we just take everything with a pinch of salt – and honestly like, can you blame us?

Maybe we’re just being contrary. Maybe we’re all big attention seekers who want to be different and go against the grain. A wee bit of non-conforming, “You can’t tell me what to think or believe, I’ll decide for myself” carry on.

Or maybe, it’s because we love to make the baddies badder. We don’t like certain groups or organisations and they’ve already done a hell of a lot of damage to the world, so what’s the harm in another lil cover up to add to their impressive collection? Standard anti-corporation, “stick it to the man” kinda vibes.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do think that sometimes, SOMETIMES when something happens, it actually does just happen. But I think it’s good to consider the alternatives. I think we should question what we’re told and figure out for ourselves what we really believe.

The thing is, we’ll never know. No one can ever prove whether or not the story we’re told, or our own mad conspiracy theory version is actually the right one. The government can’t exactly be like “no lads here’s proof that Neil Armstrong actually did walk on the moon” (which he didn’t, by the way) because everyone will just be like “OK great ANOTHER lie, when will it end??” And trigger a conspiracy-theory-style catch 22 situation.

Plus, it’s more interesting to come up with alien-related explanations anyway, what else would we do during lectures?

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